It is the disturbing title that is no less intriguing. How could a daughter be so rude to her cancer-suffering mother, more so when her career as a child actor was literally shaped by her mother? Why would a celebrated actor regret the early years of her life, and lament her life purpose of keeping her mom happy? Reading McCurdy is akin to the experience of riding a wave: you plunge into a bracing narrative, never quite sure where you’ll emerge—only certain that whenever the ride ends you’ll find yourself in an uncharted territory. The debut memoir of a child star of Nickelodeon’s sitcom iCarly, is amusingly heartbreaking but sadly furious.
This unsettling autobiographical narrative is about years of emotional abuse at the hands of her demanding, emotionally unstable mom, Debra. Born into a family with three older brothers, McCurdy found the household fully controlled by her mother. Such was her mom’s control that the author found the house as an embarrassment, that would often make her feel tense and anxious. McCurdy candid reconstruction of her journey from teenage to adulthood is a saga of emotional, mental, and physical abuse that insisted on molding an innocent something into ‘Mommy’s little actress’. At an age when little girls are mischievously playful, McCurdy was trained to view life as an innate opportunity. Shuffled with auditions from age 6, painting eyelashes and whitening teeth were outside manifestations of strict diet restrictions and regular genital examination enforced on the little child in her. The confessions are anything but cruel and disturbing.
Could Debra be fighting her own devils to escape social and economic deprivation that inflicted the household? Her cruel perfectionist approach and abusive behavior pattern may not be uncommon, as many a parents indulge in sacrificing early childhood of their children to emerge celebrities through reality shows, little realizing that the road to instant fame leaves lasting impressions on teenage minds. McCurdy didn’t emerge from her childhood unscathed, her harrowing experience of ‘loosing herself’ fills the pages of her sad, honest, heart-wrenching and startling journey that the reader will only help empathize at a deep level. It is an insightful coming-of-age story that seeks freedom, the enjoying-me part of what makes each human curate one’s natural tendencies, responses, thoughts and actions.
I’m Glad My Mom Died is a journey in search for understanding the complicated truth of striking a balance between having adored and feared someone as close as a mother, and to be missing and being relieved of her when she is gone. It is a psychological journey on self-awareness, to seek a space for oneself through self-assertion, realizing that ‘so much of my life has felt so out of my control for long’. It is a cultural document of contemporary relevance. It makes compelling reading to understand and know the cost of making others happy. McCurdy confesses that all the time she spent orienting her thoughts and actions to please her mom were indeed pointless as after her demise she was left wondering who she is, and what should she wish for.
This memoir should not be judged by its title. What makes it different from others of the genre is how McCurdy strikes a balance between hard truth and dark humor. She avoids evoking self-pity, but lays bare the emotions that raced through her celebrity life. It is for the reader to make a sense of her confessions. On her part, McCurdy not only looks back on her mom’s abuse with resentment but acknowledges the abuse and manipulation she was subjected to. In detailing the testing time, the author had to go through, she rejects the idea that childhood stardom is a fun while asserting that the media world ignores human emotions too. ‘Once you become a celebrity, you are no longer a person, but an archetype.’ she tells the world outside.
I’m Glad My Mom Died is as much a book of hope as despair. McCurdy learnt it the hard way that guilt and frustration can be helpful in moving forward. She took the bold step in letting go her acting career in a flash and switched to hosting podcasts and writing. What she has compiled in 310 pages of her memoir is a immensely readable coming-of-age-story, that is fearless, reflective, and inspiring. I could not put this book down.
by Jennette McCurdy
Simon&Schuster, USA
Extent: 310, Price: US$27.99.
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